Transformation Year

Day 118! Almost 4 months of no alcohol.  That is simply amazing to me.   I am noticing a lot of things about myself that I did not ever really notice before.  There are many things that aggravate me that I have always just drank to get rid of the feeling of being aggravated. I am also realizing that I do not know much about myself.  I have no idea what I like to do except sit in a chair and drink.  I have lost all my desire to work out and go running.  I do watch people as they are out there running and think to myself, I really need to start doing that again.  I felt so much better after a run.  Not sure where my motivation has gone to.  Some say that it is my body healing itself, but I am not sure.  I am also gaining weight which is upsetting me a great deal also.  I need to figure out how to get this all together.  I am no longer numbing out drinking, but I am all messed up in other ways.  UGH.  I do enjoy not...

  Well today is Day 87!  It has been easy and hard to make it to this point.  Yesterday I had to go to a bridal shower, and it was at an Italian restaurant.  That was the most significant craving I have had in quite a while.  They had beautiful wine glasses at each place setting, and they came around and asked what wine you would like to drink.  UGH!  I am very thankful that I was sitting with my friend that knows that I am not drinking for at least 100 days because I am not sure I would have made it through the event without getting a glass of red.  This morning, I was very thankful that I did not have any since I was able to take another sticky note off my wall and am now on day 87.  Did not need to start over and not keep my promise to myself.  I actually do feel good overall, and I am very happy to not wake up to a bloated face every morning.  I also do not miss the red wine lipstick on my lips each morning.  I will have 3 ...

  Today is day 60!!  Two months I have made it alcohol free.  I can't say that it has been easy, but it is amazing.  I feel so much better physically.  I think I look better physically also.  Mentally, well that is another story.  I still struggle on many days and still think about having a glass of wine and having my own little personal party in my house. Drinking definitely made it so that I did not have to think about anything that was bothering me.  That is not really a good thing.  Sometimes we need to deal with all the crap going on and all the crap that has been stored up inside of us for years.  That is what is going on with me now.  Dealing with all the stored-up crap.  And it is alot of crap.   Saturday, we had the baby shower for my son and daughter in law.  Baby girl will be here at the end of July.  I am very excited about this baby!  It will be my 7th grandchild and hopefully this child wi...

  Well, I have made it to day 41 now!  Things have not been easy.  I have had alot of cravings lately, but I try to find other things to do to take my mind off of it. I have been working outside quite a bit which is something very different for me.  I am used to just sitting in the house scrolling on my phone or reading or watching tv.  I was looking at the place where I always sit and there is an actual indent when my ass normally is.  I am glad that I am getting outside more.  My body also feels it.  I need to add some actual exercise into my routine again so that I build up some endurance and strength.  I know I will be sore for a few days or weeks, but it will be better for me. I am also having a lot of emotions and memories.  I have not thought about things that were bad in my life in so long, probably ever.  It just happened and then I put it back in that little box where I needed it to stay until I felt stronger.  It is ...

  The end of an era. We have had our little cabin for 20 years and have enjoyed it to its fullest.  Many nights spent there having fun.  Also, so many nights of being drunk drunk.  Although it was fun it was also bad for me.  Upnorth and campfires signal drinks for me.  The good thing about our new place is that I have never had an alcoholic drink there.  Al of my time around the campfire so far has been due to burning all the things that can be burned from inside the house and inside the barn.  Believe me that is alot of stuff! I am very much looking forward to having a fire that I can sit around and just relax and enjoy a mocktail and not worry about waking up with a hang over and not enjoying the day to come.  This past weekend is the last weekend that we spent in the old place, it is now emptied out.  The next time we go up we will be spending the whole weekend in the new place.  I will be building new sober memories.  I am...

 This staying sober thing is not easy.  I made it to 64 days and then fell off again.  I thought I could have a few drinks and be done with it.  Nope it doesn't work that way for me.  Once I have one, I give myself permission to have more and then more and then the next day more and then the next day.  It took 3 months of trying to get back on the no alcohol train and stay there.  I am now at day 17. I truly do not want to go back to drinking at all.  I know in my heart of hearts that it does nothing for me except bad stuff.  I can learn to handle life without numbing out.  I need to keep this sober momentum going. I have many things that I want to accomplish still with my life and if I keep drinking, I am going to shorten that life with every drink.  Never mind the fact that I forget all the good moments.  I hate that I went to Mexico and drank while I was there.  I have no memory of the wonderful dinners that we had and ...