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Day 118! Almost 4 months of no alcohol.  That is simply amazing to me.  

I am noticing a lot of things about myself that I did not ever really notice before.  There are many things that aggravate me that I have always just drank to get rid of the feeling of being aggravated. I am also realizing that I do not know much about myself.  I have no idea what I like to do except sit in a chair and drink.  I have lost all my desire to work out and go running.  I do watch people as they are out there running and think to myself, I really need to start doing that again.  I felt so much better after a run.  Not sure where my motivation has gone to.  Some say that it is my body healing itself, but I am not sure.  I am also gaining weight which is upsetting me a great deal also.  I need to figure out how to get this all together.  I am no longer numbing out drinking, but I am all messed up in other ways.  UGH.  I do enjoy not being shaky and feeling off every morning though.  

On another note, I have a new granddaughter, Briar.  She was born on July 13th, and I got to see her being born. It was amazing.

I have also been able to spend time upnorth with family.  One weekend I was with my sisters and the next was with my son and his family.  I can tell you that when I was kayaking with Claire, my granddaughter, I know I was extremely happy.  I know that being with Claire was part of it but just the kayaking part of it was so peaceful.  I think I need to do more kayaking.  That is something that I like. I should try doing more things with Mark to so we can find some things that we like to do together. That would be fun but it is difficult to find things that we both would like.  I guess I am not sure that is true, we have never tried.  I think tonight will be a float in the lake kind of evening.  Maybe he will join me for that or go out to the sandbar. Float and read on the sandbar?  Sounds good. 

Maybe I should look up some cleaning schedules so I can stay on top of the dusting and floors so I do not feel so defeated all the time as far as the house goes.  Get something done each day so that it stays clean and it will also keep me moving and not headed straight for the chair.  That is a good idea.  I will do that.  




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