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 Today is day 60!!  Two months I have made it alcohol free.  I can't say that it has been easy, but it is amazing.  I feel so much better physically.  I think I look better physically also.  Mentally, well that is another story.  I still struggle on many days and still think about having a glass of wine and having my own little personal party in my house. Drinking definitely made it so that I did not have to think about anything that was bothering me.  That is not really a good thing.  Sometimes we need to deal with all the crap going on and all the crap that has been stored up inside of us for years.  That is what is going on with me now.  Dealing with all the stored-up crap.  And it is alot of crap.  

Saturday, we had the baby shower for my son and daughter in law.  Baby girl will be here at the end of July.  I am very excited about this baby!  It will be my 7th grandchild and hopefully this child will never see Grandma having a glass of wine or grandma being under the influence of anything! 

I have needed lots of support to be able to get this far and I still need alot of it.  I had originally just joined an online group that was for women that wanted to get control of their drinking with the goal of being alcohol free forever.  It would start with an initial 100-day challenge. I really enjoy that group and I am still a part of it, but it is just online, and you really do not have much chance to talk with the women either on zoom or in person and I needed more than that.  I needed face to face accountability, so I went to AA meetings.  I have enjoyed the support and being able to have someone to call and talk to when things are rough and they are able to understand.  There are aspects to AA that I have not fully embraced and not sure I ever will but it is working for me for now.  I will continue on this path for as long as it keeps working.  

I truly feel like I do not want to ever go back to drinking, it was not a good feeling to be drinking so much and it really did not add anything to my life.  It is odd because sometimes I want a glass of wine so bad and then other times I wonder how I could of put something so toxic into my system.  Amazing that your brain can go in two different directions about the same topic!

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