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 Well, it has been 43 days since I have drunk alcohol. There have been a lot of ups and downs and things I have managed to get through without alcohol.  My daughter's wedding, thanksgiving, Christmas eve, Christmas day.  It has been difficult at times but also much better at times.  I have committed to the 100 days that I drunkenly told Mark and Julia I was going to do. 

There have been days that I have simply had to white knuckle it.  Those were nights that I just didn't plan to have a plan because I did not think it would be difficult, but it was.  Other nights have been easier since I have planned for it.  I have so many NA drinks that I have purchased and some are good, and some are not.  I have not found an NA red wine that I have enjoyed yet but hoping I do soon.  That was always my drink of choice.  I guess it does not really matter since the feeling of being buzzed/drunk is what the goal was always anyways, and these will not do that at all. 

I have found that drinking has always been a way to push down feelings that I just simply do not want to feel and that is not helpful at all.  I am learning to feel my feelings which is so uncomfortable! I am learning to speak what I want to speak instead of just taking things.  I am sure that people thought that I was just not a very communicative person when in reality I had a lot to say I just didn't.  Not sure why I didn't, part of it is because of fear.  Fear of not being liked, fear of being left, all the fears.  So, I would just push it all down with wine, so I did not have to feel.

The best part of not drinking is the sleep!  Although the last few nights I have not slept to great so not sure what is going on with that.  I will keep you updated.

Tomorrow, I leave for Oklahoma with my sister for Abbys party.  This will be the first time I have flown without alcohol.  This may be interesting, stay tuned.

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