Transformation Year

  Well, it has been 43 days since I have drunk alcohol. There have been a lot of ups and downs and things I have managed to get through without alcohol.  My daughter's wedding, thanksgiving, Christmas eve, Christmas day.  It has been difficult at times but also much better at times.  I have committed to the 100 days that I drunkenly told Mark and Julia I was going to do.  There have been days that I have simply had to white knuckle it.  Those were nights that I just didn't plan to have a plan because I did not think it would be difficult, but it was.  Other nights have been easier since I have planned for it.  I have so many NA drinks that I have purchased and some are good, and some are not.  I have not found an NA red wine that I have enjoyed yet but hoping I do soon.  That was always my drink of choice.  I guess it does not really matter since the feeling of being buzzed/drunk is what the goal was always anyways, and these will n...

Well, I did not do as well as I had hoped in that last round of quitting, but I am doing much better this time.  I drank again that night of my last post.  And for a few nights after that.  November 13th was the last night I drank.  I called my friend, Karen, on the evening of the 11th and asked her to come over and have wine with me.  My cat had passed away that morning.  She was 20 and I loved her!! We drank the whole bottle of wine and opened the 2nd.  I do remember going to bed that night and I did get up for work in the morning. The next day after work I decided I deserved to finish the bottle of wine that we had opened the night before.  That was not enough so then I started making cosmos.  Not a wise choice.  I do not remember going to bed that night.  Wednesday night mark and I needed to go do some errands.  We stopped at Eternity, a brewery, and I had several glasses of wine there.  I do not remember the ride home...

 I am so very angry with myself this morning.  It is so difficult to quit drinking. I joined an online course that I am hoping will give me lots of tips and inspiration to be able to stop.  I guess going to a brewery for dinner was not the best choice.  I will need to adjust these things until I am able to go into a place and not have wine.  Yes some breweries have wine and this one did.  I am just going to focus on getting myself well.  I hate the mornings that I wake up and do not remember the night before.  I know I read some of my book but now I will have to go back and re read it because I have no idea what I read.  I have also started following quite a few people online that are now sober and they talk about how great life is now that they do not need to worry about if and when they are going to drink.  Moderation did not work for them so total sobriety is what worked for them.  I am thinking that is what is going to have to h...

  Well today is my 12th day of not drinking alcohol.  I have gone longer than this before (40 days) but I have always gone back.  I would not label myself an alcoholic but I do believe that I enjoy it a bit to much.  Also when I do drink it is never just one or two.  I usually finish that bottle of wine that I open.  That in iteself is not the issue either.  The issue is that no matter how much I drink it seems to wipe my memory out.  I hate that.  I also seem to say things that I really do not mean when I have been drinking wine.  It seems to be red wine that is a real issue.  For some reason it seems that red wine will cure all my problems.  Bad day,  long day, crazy day, had a fight with someone.....well lets have a class of wine (or a bottle) and that will take care of all the issues that you have.  That is what I am tired of.  I am tired of not dealing with all the things that life has dealt me.  I thin...